Never thought that I could say no to a trip

I'm a traveler. If you follow me here on medium probably you didn't notice because… well most of my stories here are about everything else. I usually write when a strong and intense feeling is chasing me. So here I am.

As a traveler without enough money to spend, I try to be smart: looking for special flights, not expensive hotels room, combining some places, etc. For most of my adult life, I've been working to save money to travel. It has been like that since I was 22 years old. Now that I'm almost 34 the story changed. I get comfier, I take less risk, I think more about every step.

Next month I'm planning on doing three trips: a weekend in Barcelona, a short trip to Pamplona and a 4 day trip to Firenze. Every one of them has its own purpose. One is kind of a work trip, to meet people and probably sell some books (yeah I published a book on Amazon). One of them is a group trip that we were planning forever with my closest friends. And one is solo travel that I want to do but ended up being with a new friend returning to a place that I already know.

Last night I received a call of another friend telling me about another trip to another city for this weekend. She was talking, telling me about the plan: how she is going with other three persons, but two of them have covid therefore can't travel. The cost of the trip in the begging was like 50 euros, but I'll have to buy the ticket to come back, they are going to the Alhambra and have to think about the food. I spend all night trying to figure it out how to do it without getting broke. I can do it, I tell myself. But my bank account differ. Right now I'm doing my pHd studies in another country with a scholarship, and although they give me enough money to live, I have to think about some savings for the months that I'm not gonna be here (with my program I have to travel back and fort from my country, Dominican Republic, to Spain).

So, if I had enough money without any worries probably I'll do it. If I will be the same 24 years old, probably I'll do it. But I'm not.

I'm a adult now that have to think about the future, even when I'm trying to concentrate in the present. I want to do the adventure, but I'm no willing to pay the price that represent doing it without anough saving for my other trips that I already plan and bought tickets. Or even for my near future.

As we grow old the way we do things, even traveling, change a lot. Before I didn't care what place I will satying, because I only need a bed to sleep in the night after a long day walking and having experience. Now I do care a lot about the place: if it is safe, clean and the bed is comfy enought for a good night sleep. Even if I'm going to camping in the middle of the mountain I always take with me a inflatable mattress. Now I understand when my father alway said that the only illness that cure with time if the youth.

In the end I'm not traveling this weekend, and I'm a little surprise that I rejected a trip because I have to save money for later… My 24 years old me is shocked. I never though that I could reject a travel to another city for the weekend. But here I'm, writing about this new experence that is uncomfortable and makes my chest itch…